A New Vision for My Work & Life

As many of you know, I had a near-fatal heart attack a few years ago. I also was diagnosed with aggressive prostate cancer in 2008. Diane, my wife and partner in all things, likes to say that I have used up my nine lives, given how many times I’ve been on death’s doorstep. Now, a couple of months after my …

Misogyny: As American As Apple Pie, But Now…

Thanks to the Ford-Kavanaugh hearing, the MeToo movement is morphing into a tsunami, as it must in order to have its needed impact. More than silences must be broken; the edifices of male denial, entitlement, and aggression must be leveled. This asks not for reasonableness or calmness, nor for violence, but for a fully alive anger from the heart as …

Signs That Your Shadow is Present

Once we realize that we, like everyone else, have a shadow, and don’t take this as some sort of shortcoming, we are in a position to do more with our shadow than just thinking about it. So where to start? Begin by identifying the signs indicating that your shadow is showing up. This means bringing a penetrating eye to your …

Antidotes to Aggression

Aggression is what happens when anger loses its heart and goes on the attack with a dehumanizing hardness. Aggression militates against intimacy, keeping relationships in the shallows, marooned from any significant healing and deepening. To get to the heart of aggression, to undo its armoring without stranding ourselves from our anger and capacity to take care of ourselves, is a great …

To Emerge from Our Pain We Have to Enter It

Whoever we are, wherever we are, we inevitably experience pain. And just as inevitably, we tend to store as much as possible of our pain in our shadow, finding strategies to numb, bypass, or otherwise get away from our pain. The more we try to flee the felt presence of pain—whether through denial, dissociation, or distraction—the more deeply it takes …

How to Have a Conscious Rant

The point of a conscious rant is to defuse overloaded or potentially harmful reactivity in a way that hurts no one, including ourselves.   In a conscious rant, you get to totally cut loose emotionally, exaggerating your sounds and movements without any editing, all within the confines of a well-boundaried context — the ground rules for which you’ve thought out …

Spiritual Bypassing

Avoidance In Holy Drag Spiritual bypassing is the use of spiritual practices and beliefs to avoid dealing with our painful feelings, unresolved wounds, and developmental needs. It is much more common than we might think and, in fact, is so pervasive as to go largely unnoticed, except in its more obvious extremes. Part of the reason for this is that …

Boundaries Make Freedom Possible

Boundaries are an essential part of life. They delineate and maintain needed borders and separations, making differentiation possible at every level. Boundaries both contain and preserve the integrity of what they are safeguarding, be that physical, psychological, emotional, social, or spiritual. Without them there is no relationship and therefore no development, no evolution. But despite this clear truth, we often …